To shag or not to shag

Had a phone call from a friend today. We discussed various issues, then came onto the issue of boyfriends. She flat out asked me whether I'd had sex with mine yet. I changed the subject. Again she asked if I'd had sex with him. Frankly who cares? except that she does.

She took my refusal to answer the question as a yes, and then proceeded to tell me that she wasn't judging me and that God forgives. Yes, I know God forgives, and I'm eternally grateful for that, but in my opinion I haven't done anything that requires forgiveness.

Why can't we have a discussion in Christian circles about this where solid theological principles are put forward for the 'traditional view' - rather than assumptions about what the Bible says. I know conscioneses can be decietful but usually if I sin, I know it, I feel guilty. Perhaps i push the guilt to one side and carry on regardless (and then guilt hits back a second time) but I usually get some kind of inkling. Do I get even the smallest inkling that premarital sex is wrong: nope!

I would like to hear arguments from traditional christians that are not centred round the following:

1) the Bible is anti sexual immorality and therefore pre-marital sex. A little circular don't you think.

2) anything based on old testament marriage laws. Since we reject laws on girls being forced to marry rapists, and forced marriage is generally shunned, lets not use it to maintain an archaic principle.

I will do a far larger post on this topic at some stage (maybe with research and everything...) but for now, I highlight the following:

1) in OT days people had many wives - Solomon had 10,000. Hardly comparable to todays marriage...
2) Marriage was often between a teenage girl and an (often older) boy. There was no dating because women were married off so young.
3) The woman had no say in who she would marry, or indeed if she would marry.
4) It was perfectly acceptable to kidnap and rape a teenage girl, and make her your wife.
5) Loss of virginity was seen more to violate the father's property (eg the girl) rather than have any significance for the girl
6) The concequnces of sex were greater in the past - eg there were no reliable contraceptives. Whilst I admit we seperate sex from babies too much now, having sex in the past meant there was a considerable risk of pregnancy.
7) As women were not allowed to inherit, keeping a pure genetic line was important.

My biggest justification for why it is ok is that as Christians, we reject even NT instructions like (a) women wearing hats in church (b) women not speaking in church, we reject those as being merely cultural. The Bible is quite specific and explicit about this yet the majority of Christians feel they can ignore it. At the same time, we insist on remaining a virgin until our wedding night, despite there being no clear commandment on this. Just a few easily pliable verses on 'sexual immorality'

Me and my friend are gonna have a good chat about this! I'm not seeking to persuade her she should be having sex, but I'm fed up of people criticising me for doing so. Not that many do it to my back, but I know thats what they think. Also, its annoying that I have to hide it from so many people. How can that be right?